Gadus and the Lagos Babe Conspiracy
I went out yesterday with my babe. We were chilling, enjoying our meal, minding our business, when another couple strolled in.
From the way they were laughing and acting all romantic, I figured they were just two lovebirds having a good time.
Before I knew it, the girl and my babe somehow started chatting. See, my babe is the friendly type—she can go from “Hi” to “best friends” in two minutes flat.
Soon they were discussing the chicken, comparing it to KFC, talking about the fries, just vibing. I stayed out of it. My own assignment was simple: eat my food and settle the bill.
When we finished, I called for the bill and asked for a takeaway pack because I couldn’t finish my chicken. That’s when the guy who came with the girl suddenly stood up.
“Babe, the network is messing up. Let me step outside and try again,” he said loudly enough for the whole restaurant to hear.
He stepped out while his girl remained inside, still chatting happily with my babe. No big deal—networks in this country can act funny sometimes.
A few minutes later, the guy returned and whispered something to his girl. She made a surprised face. I was peeping from the corner of my eye, curious but pretending not to care.
Then she turned to my babe and said, “Sis, I know we just met, but my guy’s having serious network problems. Can your guy help us pay our bill? Once we’re outside, we’ll transfer it back. Or maybe you can give me your number so I can send it later.”
My babe smiled sweetly and replied, “Of course darling, it’s no problem at all.” Then she turned to me with puppy eyes.
“Baby, please can you help my friend? Her man’s network is bad. Can you help them pay?”
I was stunned. Usually, my babe is the one who’s the tough one, and I’m the soft one. I like helping people if they ask. But her asking me to pay caught me off guard. So I said, “Okay… How much is the bill?”
The girl quickly said, “Just 75k.”
My brain froze. Seventy-five what? In this economy? What did they eat—golden chicken wings? Our own bill was only 23k, and we were full!
I didn’t want to embarrass my babe’s new friend, so I opened my bank app and started typing.
Suddenly, my phone rang. It was my babe calling me. I looked at her, confused. She was still smiling like nothing was happening. I picked up.
She rolled her eyes and stomped on my foot so hard I nearly screamed. She immediately cut the call and sent me a WhatsApp message:
“If you send that money, I swear I’ll finish you. I’ll burn your car with you inside. I’ll destroy your life.”
Then out loud, she asked sweetly, “Honey, have you sent it?”
I almost burst out laughing. I swallowed hard and said, “No, babe… my network is terrible too. The app won’t even open.”
The other girl jumped in. “What about your ATM card?”
“Yeah baby, what about your card?” my babe added, still acting innocent.
I quickly replied, “Oh, that card expired months ago. I’ve just not had time to renew it.”
My babe nodded. “Yes, true! He’s been too busy to get a new one. You two should try your own cards instead. We really have to go.”
We stood up and left. As soon as we got outside, my babe spun around and glared at me.
“So, you’d really have paid those scammers if I didn’t stop you?” she demanded.
“But… you were the one telling me to help!” I protested.
She hissed. “So if I tell you to jump into fire, you’ll jump? Or if I say you should eat shit, you’ll eat it? You don’t have street sense at all. Thank God for me, or Lagos babes would wipe your account clean. Gadus.”
Women!
The End.
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